Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Time Before Now ( April 2009)

Green Eyed Monster

How the green eyed monster saved my life actually Jesus saved my life but what the enemy intended for evil God made it good. Here’s my story.  I met my first of two monsters a few years ago but my move out of state lessen our encounters that is until Face Book LOL.  My second came a little over two years ago. I’m not sure either of them are, were aware of what they were to me but while I was outwardly expressing my excitement about their accomplishments I was inwardly cursing them for quitting the FAT girls club and alienating me, leaving me to be the one big girl in the room.  How selfish of them to be thinking of no one but themselves the nerves. Truth be told and the truth will set you free by the way neither of my monsters were responsible for my unhealthy habits, weight or lack of exercise.  Nor were they feeding me the countless excuses I repeated to myself daily no time, no money, no support, too old, too busy, baby I had so many excuses I could lend a few.

Then one day I came face to face with my latest monster for I had tired of wishing it were me, tired of watching them as their clothes drooped and fell for they no longer fit properly, tired of looking at photos which were permanent reminders of what I desperately wanted to erase from my memory. So as bold as I dared to be I confronted my monster by challenging her to a dual no longer are you going to flaunt your stuff before me, no longer I tell you.  Well let me tell ya the reply that I received is not what I expected.  Bring it on.   Dang it now I got to do this for I was crazy enough to make this declaration publicly yep there were witnesses. See the enemy is no joke will have your mind so jacked up that you can’t even think straight.
So I partnered with my monster joining her on walks, renewed my membership to the club we both attendd, returned to my gym at work.  I know sad isn’t it to be 2 minutes away from a fully equipped gym with classes, nutritionist man we even have a bod pod. I get sick just thinking about it.  Started taking my dogs for walks and made major changes with my diet.  I stayed on task, fell off the track, got back on the saddle, tired at my efforts, regained my footing, caved to Christmas it was a set up I promise you my monster is a beast in the kitchen and I spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas w/her in her kitchen.  Recommitted, became contented, rededicated and finally determined.  For the time had come, I too must leave the club.  And the irony of it all was in order to do so I had to I had to be selfish, I had to think of me, my health, my being both externally as well as internally the latter being most important. Shame to be put together on the outside and torn apart on the inside in all things there must be balance for God is of order and not confusion.
I realized that what these ladies, they are not monsters, never were never will be for they are my friends, was that what I was seeing came with a price it always comes with a price, He gave His only begotten son.  But what I was seeing was the result of their time, dedication, commitment, determination, drive and sacrifice.  I too realized they had to be selfish they had to think of themselves, they had to leave the club.  There is a great work that they have been purposed for and if they are not healthy to do it how else will God’s be experienced by those in their circle of influence.
Some may not get it; understand the cost. Some may even say things they later regret because their view is slightly skewed as mine was a very lovely shade of green. Don’t hate, participate.  I now stand at the point of my beginning slowly walking away from the  what was to the what will be. Mentally strong and physically fit.
I applaud these ladies, my friends. They’ve earned the accolades, lingering glances, new wardrobes, hey a girls gotta get her shopping on. And they have earned my respect. Thank you both for being a living example, for caring enough to change, for taking the bull by the horns and putting and end to complacency. I am encouraged; I feel empowered; I feel victorious.
Deuteronomy 20:3-5(New International Version) 3 He shall say: “Hear, O Israel, today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. 4 For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”

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