Monday, April 11, 2011

Mental games

It wasn’t my intent to experiment but a very valuable lesson has been learned… coach has changed competition prep from top to bottom (nutrition & training).  Needing to maximize the time allotted, less than 16 wks out from first show of the year; moving to new uncharted territory, not sure what you are trying to accomplish but instinct tells you you will know it when you see it…well when he sees it as I’m really trusting him on this one.  So with the physical changes required I thought I would mentally adopt with great ease.  Boy was I wrong.  While my food intake was nothing more than approximately an additional 300 calories, my mind went instantly into panic mood thinking that I would gain an incredible amount of weight and or that the contour of my body would change to an unsightly pile of mush.  I had allowed this mind trick to invade my day to day existence that I would gag when it was time to eat or feel unbelievably full to the point that I could not eat all that was required to even skipping meals and or lacking the desire to eat all which is counterproductive to the mission at hand.  Goal; to gain as much muscle in small window of time, not gain fat so when time comes to diet down ideal BF% can be reached possibly surpassed.  I furthered this train wreck with pulling all cardio.  The change in training required 45 min cardio which was to be done in the morning.  I’m sure if I gave more thought I would have come up with a doable solution to an already packed schedule or even if I talked further with coach we would have worked something that was more manageable but I did neither.  I took the 24hr test…work hr = 8 training = 2  sleep =6  prep/transportation = @4 to 5.  As you can see I’m left with 4 maybe 5 hrs.  and I’ve not included time needed to parent, run my home, think, chill (disclaimer) I do not train for 2 hrs but there is a 2 hr time frame that I’m in the gym due to travel arrangements.  So where am I to fit this 45mins at the top of my day?  Well this requires that I wake at 4 a.m. do any morning prep needed, take bus to gym at 5 a.m. wait for bus on return route (this is where I lose valuable time WAITING) home at 7 prep/out the door to office by 8….4 hrs down only 20 left and I need 6 of those for sleep).  This kind of mental derailment all but took me over the edge.  While I was successful in doing as prescribed for one week I could not mustard the strength needed to recover from my weekend stroll down memory lane (college reunion) to strapping on my S for Super competitor so I pulled the plug on cardio.   Such a decision netted me 7lb weight gain….no it’s not muscle. 
I now sit with 10wks to go, trainer on vacation and my S staring me in the face asking me “what you gonna do?”  Natural instinct says I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, this may be way the way out of my league, so what it’s a new division it will still draw the best of the best and if I keep thinking, keep writing I will do what feels good to my natural self I’ll back paddle this right off my to do list.  So I’m going to put a gag on my mind, stop listening to my thoughts and just do.  How I come out on the other side I don’t know just that I will be there and not here.