Today has been a very reflective day of sorts as I take in the totality of my recent season which came as no surprise for the signs of a shifting were eminent but I elected to ignore them. And it definitely was no surprise to God as He carefully orchestrated every aspect of my being before I was. Yet it was the lack of knowing the outcome that made way for fear, doubt, disbelief loneliness and abandonment but I see now that He was much closer than I had ever known. I was simply held captive in a pit I had erected that hindered my ability to recognize His grace, mercy and even correction for this was not a time of punishment or chastisement but preparation and elevation therefore some gains had to suffer some loses.
So what caused me to put a Selah in the middle of my day? Two weeks ago today I sitting in the mist of strangers fully clothed in every weight that so easily beset me that even my stride was slow and sluggish I sat prepared to work putting in my ear buds to silence the voices inside and for the first time in a while I slowly began to come undone, I lacked the strength or ability to control my unraveling. I no longer cared how I looked who was looking or the thoughts that may be passing through their minds it was like a dam that couldn’t be contained.
I quietly excused myself and made my way to the bathroom that in the natural was just that, the bathroom but to a weary soul it was the entering into the hallway. See I neglected to see its importance much like that of a lock - a short confined section of a canal or other waterway in which the water level can be changed by the use of gates and sluices, used for raising and lowering vessels between two gates. It was time to rise for the water levels were higher than the place I was last in. One gathers much revelation in the “short confined section”…
My time in the bathroom was short yet it felt like eternity for there was much I needed to take care of. It was critical that I talk to my Father I needed Him to hear the loud booming noise that held me hostage in the midnight hours of each passing day. The words “I can’t do this any longer” rose up shattering the silence deep within but as I went to open my mouth not a sound came forth. I was quicken to a heighten awareness to take note of my poster, my feet were slightly parted and planted as one bracing for a strong wind, my hands were raised high above my head like that of a criminal captured by the police “stop where you are, hands above your head”…coming to full arrest. My head tilted towards heaven and with eyes wide open I saw a host of beings demanding my spirit to join in the reverence of the Most High God. I had succumbed to His presence and there I worshiped.
It was in this time of weakness that I was made strong. No great faith like those I read about in His word but just enough to sustain me and in a night, God’s night that is joy was entering in, hope was making a comeback, and belief was soon filling the void that doubt had left.
I don’t know when He will move I just know that He will. I don’t know how He’s going to move, I just know that He is. I don’t know with what He will bless me I just know that He will bless me. So until the breaking of my new day, I have my arsenal of praise and I’m not afraid to use it.